Forgotton Past
by palmetazo
Summary: Hermione wakes up to find herself staring up at the face of a boy that she knows well, only she can't remember who he is. Through a series of painful recollections she realises who he is. What will happen after that?
1. The Beginning

A/N: A random story idea I just wrote up. It just sort of came to me in a dream. Yes, I know how clichéd that is, but it really is true! But yeah, I rather like this story, so don't be too evil. Of course, a little evil is good in everyone's life, so I won't be too mad. Anyway… I would appreciate critique/comments. I hope you enjoy it since it was sort of a random idea of mine. Please review and comment on its originality/suckiness/vomitrocious capabilities/other. Anyway, yeah. I may possibly continue this, but for now it's a sort of one shot thing.

Cheers!

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Disclaimer: This is really stupid, but I don't own it. Wow, go figure. All the good stuff belongs to J. K. Rowling. Well, most of it. The plot's mine, I suppose, though it ain't copyrighted. And the boy might be mine. Or he might be J. K.'s, but you'll never know now, will you? Well, maybe you will if I write another chapter, but that all depends on you, dear reader.

Oh wait… Shutting up now!

(Summary: I don't own it!)

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Where am I?

"Where am I?" I finally managed to ask in a voice I couldn't recognize as my own. My throat burned, every word ripping my throat raw. Obviously it hadn't been used in a long while.

"Hermione?" The boy looked at me the surprise clearly shown on his face. "The potion must have worked quicker than expected."

I looked up at him still rather disoriented from the potion and the sudden lurch of my stomach as the bright light assailed my eyes. "How long have I been… unconscious? And could you turn the light down?"

He smiled and got up to blow out a few of the closest candles. "Sorry. But you've been like that for nearly a week. I've been feeding you, but it's good to see you awake so you can do it yourself."

"Oh." Somehow I was embarrassed that this strange boy had taken care of me. He obviously didn't notice my discomfort and instead asked,

"How do you feel?"

"Horrible," I admitted.

He smiled. "Well at least we know that much." He placed his hand on my forehead. "No fever, that's good." He wrote something down on a piece of paper out of my sight. "Are you feeling nauseous at all?"

"A little. But not too badly."

"Okay. Any soreness anywhere?"

"In my back." I saw him wince. "What?"

"That's where you were hit."

"Hit with what?" I was confused- I didn't remember being hit. Suddenly I looked up at him realizing I had no idea who he was. Who was he?

"Are you okay?" I suppose he was referring to my screwed up face and tactfully ignoring my question. I dismissed it, but I vowed to find out soon enough.

I was trying to place him. I knew him, I should know his name but my mind just drew a blank. He looked so familiar. Younger versions of himself kept appearing in my head, snapshots of the past, but I could not place him. I heard clips of conversation and identified his voice, but could not match a name to him.

 "Are you okay?" The look of concern grew on his face as he repeated his question and waved his hand in front of my face. "Maybe I made the potion too strong. God I really don't know why they had me do it. I'm just so new at this, but with Snape gone off to…" He trailed off, realizing his mistake. Flushing, he bent down and obsessively checked the hidden paper.

"Who are you?"

The boy looked stunned as he peered searchingly into my eyes. "You don't remember me?"

I concentrated on his fair face as hard as I could, but I still drew a blank. "I know I know you, but I can't remember your name or how I know you."

"Well that's obviously why you didn't attack me or start screaming when you first woke up."

"Why? Should I?"

"I suppose you would have reason to." He shrugged. "We were never that close."

"Oh."

The boy sighed, his face growing older. He seemed to be about my age, but his demeanour seemed to radiate a maturity most people my age don't have. And his grey eyes seemed so sad. I felt like I should comfort him, but considering I didn't know his name, it might be a little out of place.

"Okay," he began, "let's start with the basics, just to make sure you're not totally screwed up, to quote a Muggle term. First, what's your name?"

"Hermione Granger."

"At least you remember that." Some of the tension in his face seemed to dissipate. "Well, where do you attend school?"

"The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Right. What year are you?"

"Seventh."

"What's your house name?"

"Gryffindor."

His face screwed up in a mixture of confusion and sadness.

"What?" I asked, hearing my voice squeak out high with worry.. "Was that wrong?"

"No, no. It was right. But why would you remember that but not my name? Obviously your memory is clear." His eyes widened. "Perhaps…"

"What?"

He snapped back into reality, again realizing that I was there in the bed next to him. "Never mind. We'll get to that as it comes."

I shrugged causing a bolt of pain to hit my body. I began to shake, my nerves uncontrollable as waves of pain struck my body. I felt the pain course through my body, starting at my feet and crushing everything in its path until it reached my head. When it hit I felt my head split in two, only vaguely hearing my own screams mingled with the frightened shouts of the boy taking care of me.

Somewhere during that time I must have begun to cry, because the next thing I remember he was stroking my forehead with one hand and wiping away my tears with the other.

"It's okay," he murmured as I continued to cry, "it's just the aftereffects of the spell. Your body seems to have gone into shock. Thankfully your mind is still sharp." He smiled reassuringly at me as I managed to get myself under control.

"I never cry," I fiercely told myself while attempting to sit up. The boy pushed me back; good thing, my upper body felt as if a weight was resting upon it. I doubt that I could have lifted a finger if my life depended on it.

"You have been through a lot," the boy said sympathetically stroking my undoubtedly tangled mass of hair. He smiled down at me and didn't pull back in revulsion. I was surprised- I must have looked a mess. But he didn't seem like the kind of boy who would care that much about such things. He was kind, as well as stunning. Silently I berated myself- I couldn't fall for this guy. I don't know who he is. For all I know he could be some murderer just waiting to fatten me up in order to kill.

"What? What have I been through?"

He looked at me. "Ah, and therein lies the problem. You don't remember what happened, do you?"

I shook my head and braced myself for the pain, but none came this time. Apparently my body was going to be finicky and pick and choose when it delivered pain. "Bloody hell that's going to be annoying," I muttered. In a louder voice I asked, "what did happen?"

The boy tightly shut his eyes as his face contorted. The pain on his face was clearly evident. Whatever had happened, it had hurt him. And it had been my fault.

"I'm sorry." I reached over and took the hand that was not lying on my forehead. "Sorry for whatever I did."

His eyes snapped open, and suddenly he had regained his composure. "Thank you, but you really have nothing to be sorry for. You were perfectly right to do what you did. It was the best thing to do; you were very brave. Simply brilliant." His smile was forced and I could still see the hurt in his eyes as he feebly tried to assuage my sense of guilt.

"I did something to hurt you, obviously." I closed my eyes, trying to remember. I let out a sigh of frustration. "I can't remember anything about it. All I remember is being at Hogwarts and talking to an old man, but that's it."

His eyes shot open. "An old man? What did he tell you? Did he give you any instructions?"

"I-I can't remember. All I remember is that he told me to take the situation into my own hands. I'm sorry," I added at the faint trace of disappointment on his face.

"It's okay. It'll be harder this way, but hopefully I'll be able to prompt your memory." He sighed and tilted his head back until he was staring at the ceiling. "Does the word panic trigger anything?"

I waited for a moment, still thinking. "No."

His face contorted into thought. "What about attack?"

---

_Fire. Green light. His frightened eyes._

_"Get out of here Hermione." She stood and stared at him, unable to move, the fear coursing through her veins chilled her blood and froze her to the spot. She never realized how beautiful he was before. And he was beautiful, achingly beautiful despite the sweat and blood pouring down his face at an alarming rate._

_She moved her mouth, but no sound emanated. _

_"God damn it! This is no time for courage! Don't try to be the hero! Get out of here while you still can. I'll be able to handle it. Hermione, please go!"_

_His begging stunned her. In the face of death she knew people would do strange things, but this was too strange. Even with death so close she could taste it._

_Green light again. The faint sound of screams, screams of the dying, screams of the freshly dead. She shuddered at the thought. Very soon she would be one of the nameless corpses strew about the bloodied halls. As would he._

_"They're getting closer. Please save yourself. You're more use to the cause. You," his voice cracked and she was fairly certain that tears now mingled with the blood as well, "you have something to live for. You have people who love you."_

_Her eyes filled with tears as she listened to his desperate pleas, his voice strained as he struggled against the panic welling within him._

_"NO!" The single word ripped from her throat, conveying all of her emotions at once. It was too late for her. They were all condemned to die anyway. At least she would have a hero's death, rather than caught fleeing._

_And she could share her death with someone she honoured enough to call a friend._

_Her tears spilled over. Too soon had they realized themselves and gotten past their petty quarrels. Too many years they had spent fighting each other. Why had they not focused on the real enemy? Why hadn't they become friends?_

_It didn't matter now. They were as good as dead._

_"Go." His eyes reflected something she had never seen before- hope._

_His dying wish. How could she refuse? But it was already too late for them. She'd rather die with him. She wished for the gift of human companionship as her last comfort. She wished she could voice her thoughts to him._

_Green light. It was accompanied by voices this time. The voices, putting a sound and a face to the nameless horror closing in on them much too quickly._

_Suddenly the door burst open. The monster was revealed and she knew what she had to do._

_"Avada Kedavra." Calm and cool she ignored the ten odd curses thrown at her simultaneously. She ignored her impending doom and the horrible moan coming from the boy in the corner. She ignored death itself. _

_She took life into her own hands._

_---_

"Hermione! Focus. Focus. It's okay, just look at me. Focus on my face- you're going to be okay."

My eyes snapped open. "The Death Eaters, they attacked us."

He nodded grimly. "You were lucky to make it out of there alive. You k-killed about half of the Death Eaters yourself before I got to the rest. I estimate you were hit by nine curses. By all means you really ought not to be alive."

I grinned. "I'm just a medical miracle."

He smiled as well. "That you are. And we're lucky to have you. I mean, you're very bright and very talented and obviously a threat to the enemy."

I smiled softly, blushing all the while at his compliments. However my mind was quickly drawn back to my new found memories. I had been running over the events I had just recalled as he sat there and stared into space, thoughtfully giving me time to become acquaintanced with my past again. It was like speaking a language you knew well but had not used in a long time- awkward, but at the same time hauntingly familiar.

Now I knew the scenario, but still the question running through my head remained. How had I hurt him? Vaguely there was something… My eyes widened as he checked my pulse. "I-"

---

The slap stung and the boy could almost hear the buzzing sound of the bee that had done it. Of course it had been a bee. It had not been the man he looked  up to for as long as he could remember. He was above that. Only a stupid insect would do something that cruel to him; the man loved him. At seven he had much to understand about human nature and its occasional bouts of severe cruelty.

_The man's voice shattered the young boy's convoluted thoughts. "You will behave. You are nearly a man now and I expect you to behave as one."_

_"I am only seven." He managed to keep his voice normal, eve respectful. He was proud of his self control, even through the anger and hurt. The man would be proud too- he would be a good grown up, he just knew it._

_The man sneered. "Well grow up. You will not cry. That is a sign of weakness. You will not be weak. You must be strong."_

_"Why?"_

_The man glared at him and raised his open palm- not an empty threat after years of the boy's "training"._

"Why must I though?" The small boy's eyes were wide as he sought to understand the man's words. He was too young to hold prejudices, too young to understand the world, too caring and unmolded to the darkness the man wished him to harbor. He was pristine, yet already knew much about pain and suffering.

Why he could still remember the day when he was forced to watch his favourite dog die, ensnared in one of the rabbit traps on the grounds. He remembered watching the dusty ground slowly turn crimson as the dog's life blood left his body. The summer sun beat down cheerily on his young head as he mourned his first friend. He remembered the unshed tears and the bird cheerful song mingled with the moans of his faithful dog.

_"There is a reputation at stake," the man said harshly. "You are the one that must carry it on." Such a heavy burden for one so young and innocent. Even he realized that it was too much for him, but that feeling was overridden by the sense of loyalty he felt to this man. He chose love,  but for all the wrong reasons._

_Hermione felt an acute sadness, knowing how this burden would forever twist and mangle the boy's spirit in the future. Too bad the boy could not, would not, hold out longer until he entered the real world. But by the time he had learned the ways of the world he was too far gone to save._

_The boy's eyes watered at the harsh tone, but he consoled himself with the fact that this man loved him. "I will try, but I'm not sure how."_

_"You will. You must if you wish to remain where you stand."_

_The boy's eyes grew even larger in fear, if that was even possible. "I do not want that. I will keep the reputation pristine. I will not let you down."_

_The man smiled coldly and stalked away, leaving the boy with his unshed tears and the desperation of a person much older than himself. The man left, leaving the young boy in the center of the large room feeling immensely lonely and unloved._

_---_

I opened my eyes again, but this time slowly, in no hurry to face the undoubtedly horrified visage of my caretaker.

"How did you do that?" His voice came out low and quiet.

"I have no idea," I replied truthfully. But I felt dirty. That had not been my memory to take. I knew I had violated something that he had never shared.

"Don't ever do it again!" His voice was harsh, sounding nearly identical to the man that had lectured him in his memory.

"I'm sorry," I said, half sorry and half angry, "but I didn't do it on purpose!"

"I know, I'm sorry for blowing up at you." He sighed and I caught sight of something of the fearful little boy in his eyes once again. "Well, we should probably continue with the procedure."

I nodded, but this time did not smile or meet his eye. I had seen a side of him I did not like and was afraid to provoke it once again.

He sighed, as if reading my thoughts, but nonetheless continued. "Let me see, can you remember who your close friends were?"

"A tall redhead. And a boy with unruly black hair."

He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"One was Ron. The other was…" By accident our fingers brushed together, and with a jolt I had again entered his memories.

---

"Is it true? They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you then?" He seemed nice enough, if not bewildered by the unwanted attention. Inside he mentally shrugged and tried to dispel the feeling of pity washing through him. It wasn't his problem; the boy better get used to it. He was an international wizarding hero.

_But he couldn't help but feel odd about the whole situation. This was the Harry Potter? He was the one he had been warned of? So far the situation was anything but clear to him, as it had seemed before. Before he had actually met the boy._

_How very queer._

_"I can help you there," he heard himself saying. Truth be told, he really wouldn't mind a friendship with this boy. He did get awfully lonely at the house. But of course that thought in itself was dangerous and utterly taboo. Perfectly sinful._

_Then Hermione entered. "What has been going on?"_

_Hermione suddenly realized that these, again, were not her memories. They were not hers to think and moreover not hers to experience. As if on another planet she hear the boy above her trying to pull her away from the past._

_Reluctantly she returned._

_---_

I opened my eyes again.

The boy smiled guiltily, this time not bothering to look angry. "That's so very odd. But I guess you know my secrets now, don't you? I used to be horrible. I mean, deep down I was good, but I just forced the good thoughts away…"

I nodded, not really paying attention to his words. Instead I focused on his face. I willed myself to bring all the still shots of him out of my memory and recall who he was. Slowly, like the pieces of a puzzle being placed together, they fit together comfortably until I came to my conclusion.

I gasped.

What I had been expecting, I do not now. What I got was not it.


	2. Hey Maybe You Don't Suck so Much

A/N: Thanks for the kind reviews! I feel special (see the individual reviews below). And since I got a positive response I decided to keep going and wrote this chapter, so yay for me! Oh, and just to let you know when you review I will really try hard to read at least one of your stories. It's only fair, right?

**Niarbeldoon: **Thanks for the encouragement! And I really love your penname. It just made me laugh for some reason, it's awesome! **  
  
Amour-Lily: **Ditto on the encouragement booster. You're great!**  
  
Lisi: **Thanks for how just freakin' excited you sounded in your review! It made me laugh! And obviously I'm continuing this story so no need to let you down!**  
  
Shelina Aquastar:** I can never resist the puppy dog face! Thanks for your review! **  
  
Pretty Blue Firefly: **Yeah, I guess I did end the story acting like there was something more to come. I just kind of made the first chapter so that it could stand alone or be continued. **  
  
amanda-panda161: **Yeah, you figure correctly, but I thought it was fun to add a little flair of mystery. And that was exactly what I was hoping for the end—that you'd want to come back and read the next chapter. 

Chapter 2- Hey, maybe you don't suck so much…

I gasped. "Malfoy?"

The man's face, which had before seemed excited and anticipatory, fell as I managed to gasp out that one word. "Ah," he said slowly, "I see we've reverted to using first names… Granger."

I managed to sit up and glare at him but this time he made no move to help me up. Only then did I realize what I was wearing. Or more aptly, what I was not.

"Malfoy! I'm naked!"

Rather than the expected grin and leer he looked decidedly uncomfortable. "I wasn't trying to molest you or anything. It's just that your robes were practically," great blush, "blown off of you during the attack and I had to take them off so I could get at the wounds to heal them." He took a deep breath and seemed to regain some of his normal swagger. "But I got you some new robes. Hope they're not too expensive for you, Mudblood."

I gasped and recoiled. As low as I knew Malfoy to be I thought that we might have resolved at least _that_ difference. Obviously not, I realized as I stared with a mixture of horror and revulsion at his face.

"Thanks. Thanks a lot for that. Glad to see you've grown up." I could almost _feel_ his eyes rolling behind my back.

"Here." He stood and reached into a bag resting not too far from his feet. He pulled out an exquisite deep crimson robe and tossed it to me. "The potion should be fully in effect now. Get changed and then come out into the kitchen for some break- I mean, lunch."

"Gryffindor colours," I noted dryly. I heard him snort with laughter the moment before he slammed the door shut.

After I was sure he was gone and not peeping through the door, I laboriously stood (feeling hardly any pain) up clutching the robe around my exposed body. Unsteadily I managed to wobble through a door that led to a bathroom. Quickly I donned the robes and washed up as best I could.

---

"Well, well, Granger cleans up nicely, no?" Malfoy's horribly annoying trademark smirk was plastered on his face and I wanted nothing more than to hit him.

Hard.

"Shut up," I snarled in no mood to be mocked.

He quirked an eyebrow and smirked even wider, glad to have hit one of my nerves. Honestly, couldn't he have grown up a little bit? I was so wrapped up in my psycho-analysis of the jerk that I totally missed him talking to me.

"I said, take some of these eggs. I always make too many," he repeated slowly. I rolled my eyes but took the eggs he handed me after a oversized flourish.

"Thanks." I sat down at the table, sitting directly across from him. We ate in silence for a few moments before my curiosity got the best of me and I tried to start a civil conversation with him. "You said you _always_ make too many eggs? I don't see you as the cooking type of person. A servant bringing you breakfast in bed would be more your style." I knew this was the wrong thing to say as soon as I had said it.

"Contrary to your popular belief, _Granger_, I am not a slave driver. When I had servants I still did my fair share of the work." His face flickered with a sign of some emotion, but I couldn't tell what it was. "It didn't help that my parents constantly told me I could do whatever I wanted. Sure I was a little idiot, but I have grown up a little."

"Thanks, but when I want a lecture, I'll ask for it." I shoved more eggs in my mouth while continuing to stare at Malfoy.

"You look like some demented cow," he smirked after a few moments of intense staring.

I glared, but merely good naturedly slapped his hand.

_"Thank you Mark."_

_Mark smiled and bowed as he began to take the empty glass away from the table. Draco was only six, but already had more common sense and plain human compassion than his father would ever have. _

_Lucius looked up from his morning newspaper towards his son and then shot a withering look towards the now frowning Mark. "You are dismissed," Lucius ordered more than requested with only a half hearted wave of his hand. Sighing, he put his paper down and addressed his son._

_"Yes, Father?" Draco looked up from his breakfast, his cherub face just oozed innocence and humanity._

_At that moment Draco Malfoy realized that his father hated him._

_"I am severely disappointed in you Draco."_

Why this time Father? _Thought Draco. Instead he asked in his most emotionless tone, "And why is that?"_

_"I expect you to act like a true heir to the Malfoy throne. You will not consort or speak with people lower than you unless it is absolutely necessary. And, you will, under no circumstances, befriend any of the lowly things. Do you understand?"_

_"Of course."_

_"And this includes servants. And Mudbloods."_

Well that just ruled out all of his likely candidates for friends in the manor. How he hated this man. And how he hated him even more for the fact that he was hated. Outwardly Draco was calm, but inwardly his eight year old mind was sadistically planning the numerous ways that he could kill his father.

"So were you happy when your father was killed?"

My question hit Malfoy like a slap in the face. His face flushed bright red and reverted quickly back to its normal paleness. How he despised me for asking that. Just when he thought he might have been able to put it out of his mind.

Draco closed his eyes tightly.

Too many painful memories, too much time to dwell on it, too many times he was utterly alone.

"You're not alone now." He obviously hadn't realized he commented on the last part out loud by the way his eyes snapped open at my voice. In a stroke of foolhardy compassion I laid my hand on his arm and gave him a small smile.

Almost as if by reflex he jerked his arm out of my touch. After seeing the hurt look on my face his expression softened, but not by much. "Look, just don't touch me."

I glared at him, no longer content with his act of half humanity. "Look, I think you're just pathetic Malfoy. You're just too damn scared of being hurt. If you just give someone the chance to make a connection with you and not immediately push away you might not be lonely anymore."

"I'm not lonely," he said petulantly. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure you aren't, but when you need comfort, don't expect it from me." I glared at him and for a split second caught something I had never seen in his eyes: _longing_. I cursed my damn sensitivity even as I spoke. " '_It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all_'," I said softly.

He sat across from me looking stunned as he slowly tilted his head and mouthed the words to himself. I couldn't help but smile at his thoughtful expression. As he was still considering my quote he rose from the table and absentmindedly picked up his plate. As he placed it in the sink, however, it clattered to the floor with a very loud clang. Suddenly I realized I had a pounding headache.

"Ouch," I muttered, grabbing my head as I leaned my elbow on the table.

Malfoy looked up sheepishly. "Sorry. I guess the potion's wearing off; I'll get some more."

He turned around and reached into a tall cabinet, giving me a chance to really study him.

I wondered how long I had really been here. We were both in our seventh year and both seventeen and we had been four weeks away from leaving Hogwarts forever. He and I had certainly changed since first year so long ago.

He had grown into a tall attractive young man with blonde hair that fell in his face rather than defied gravity with the use of gel as he used to. His eyes were piercing and mostly cold, but he was not so adept at hiding his emotions as he thought.

He turned around, perfectly modeling his lean body. He caught sight of me staring and tossed the bottle towards me. "Catch!"

I screamed and fumbled for it but it slipped through my hands and… bounced on the floor. "Unbreakable charm. How clever," I said as I smiled wryly. I picked it up and drank it quickly ignoring the foul taste as much as possible. As soon as I was sure I wouldn't vomit it back up when I opened my mouth I said, "So what is this potion exactly?"

"It's mainly a pain killer but also serves as a relaxant to dispel any of the aftershock from your attacks. The main ingredients are wolfsbane and shrivel fig, but also co-"

"Okay, okay! Stop," I pleaded holding up my hands, "if I wanted a lecture I'd go ask Snape. Which, by the way, you sounded almost exactly like." I shuddered. "Just what the world needs, another Snape."

I saw the shadow of a smile flit across his face. "I happen to like Severus very much." As he had lectured he had paced around the small kitchen. Now he went to sit back down, casually brushing my leg as he went.

"Professor, I'm sacred." Draco's eyes were open wide and had a wild look to them that Hermione had never seen. She saw unrestrained emotion in them.

_The professor looked up from the scrap of parchment he had been writing on and stood up quickly, nearly upsetting the stool he had been sitting on. "What happened this time?"_

_"He- he tried to kill me." Draco gingerly lifted his robes to reveal one of his legs in an awkwardly cast splint._

_Severus quickly took him by the arm and led him to a chair. He unstrapped the splint and muttered a spell to heal his leg. Ignoring Draco's pained protests he asked, "What did you do this time?"_

_Draco winced as he felt his broken bone realign, but managed to get out, "I told him I didn't want to be a Death Eater."_

_He could hear Severus' sharp intake of breath. "Brave. Exceptionally brave of you, but exceptionally foolish as well. You know there's no way to avoid that. Even Dumbledore said…" He trailed off at seeing the murderous look in Draco's eyes._

_"I hate him so much," he said calmly, "I wish he would die. Maybe I'll kill myself."_

_Severus shook his head. "Draco, don't be an idiot. As much as you think this will ruin you, you have so much to live for yet. It would be foolish to do so."_

_"I know," Draco sighed, the regret heavy in his voice, "but I just want to be normal and be accepted for not wanting to kill people. I just hate my family so much."_

_"I know. I know Draco. But just know that you can always come talk to me."_

_Draco smiled, his eyes already starting to droop. Severus sighed. If only he could have been his father. None of this would have had to happen to him. But they could not decide to whom they were born to. He knew that all too well._

"I never knew," I said in nearly a whisper, "he just doesn't seem the paternal type."

Draco shrugged trying to make it not a big deal, but I could see through it. "I really didn't think so either, but when you've got on one else to turn to he was quite up to snuff. Well, considering what I had as the alternative."

I nodded thoughtfully. "I can see that." I paused, not quite sure if I should go on with what I had been thinking.

"What?"

He had seen me thinking. Too late to go back now. "Well, I just want to thank you for sharing… sharing these memories with me."

Draco seemed stunned and quite unable to speak for a few moments. "What? You think that I'm willingly passing these thoughts on to you Granger?"

"Yes. I think that I've read about it somewhere." I ignored his barely suppressed snort of laughter. "Oh yes! It was in Hogwarts, A History. It was a story about a pensive and it went off into some tangent about a Human Pensive. I think that I'm sort of like your pensive. You've just got so many memories and emotions blocked off that you would just share it with the first person you came to… trust."

He looked shocked, to say the least. "So you're saying I trust you?"

I shrugged. "I guess so." I threw a sideways glance at him as I considered my next statement carefully. "I hope so."

This time he was utterly speechless.

"Close your mouth Draco, the fish look is really is unbecoming."

He snapped his mouth shut and instead allowed his eyebrows to shoot up. "Draco, now, is it?"

"Just act like a normal human being for once, will you?"

"Alright, _Hermione_." He had his familiar smirk and impassive eyes as I shuddered at hearing him use my first name.

"And will you stop with the eyes?"

"What?"

I sighed and looked as deep into his eyes as I could, but saw nothing. "You're always so emotionless. Can't you just let go sometime and be a human being… with emotions?"

"I- I'm not sure if I can." As he said this his eyes flickered with doubt, making me grin.

"See?"

Draco took a deep breath. "I'll try." And almost inaudibly, "for you." And with that she unlocked Draco Malfoy.

Looking into them was like plunging into the sea, the current was somehow comforting but also deadly and powerful. I saw the agony in his dark grey eyes. The agony of seventeen years of pain and misplaced love.

"Father, I love you," the boy pleaded.

_"Love is not real."_

Too much agony for one sane person to bear. But he had done it. Somewhere in him was a small cache of happiness and joy. It was there, but it was too far and few in between.

The young boy smiled, the sunlight of spring making his grey eyes glitter as he danced under the falling rain.

I saw into his soul. I saw his repressed wants and dreams. I saw a woman, a beautiful woman being held in his strong arms. They were making love- then a flash to a cozy little home nearly overflowing with children. I saw him, smiling and laughing as he held as many as he could. I saw him thinking those thoughts and I felt his confusion. He did not know how to love. He was lost and had no one to turn to. No one to love and no one who loved him.

I saw in his soul the repressed anger and fear of all of his life. I saw his father with a whip, beating him as he cried for forgiveness. I saw him cry as his father forced him to watch scenes of Death Eaters killing Muggles. I saw him secretly hurting as the Golden Trio made another scathing remark. As much as he retaliated he could never top the with their friendship. And the love that he had no idea how to give.

And then they were blank.

I gasped and turned away, my hear beating wildly as I looked any where but at him.

"Scary, isn't it?" His voice was lower and harsher than usual. There was a tremor in it that I had never heard before.

I nodded, my own eyes closed. I was afraid to open them even though I knew mine were not like that. "Draco?"

He smiled softly at the use of his name, though I didn't see it or know it at the time. "What?"

"Just know that you can always come talk to me," I said softly using the words of the one person I knew he had come closest to loving.

I had finally opened my eyes and I was able to catch the first true smile I had ever seen on his face.

"Thank you," he said, "thank you."

I was practically beaming. I knew I looked like a dork, but I didn't care. "See how easy it was?"

"I guess. But that was just so out of charactre for me."

I just smiled knowingly.

"What? I know you're holding out on me Miss Bookworm," Draco asked impatiently as he bit his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Well, in Hogwarts, A History (eye rolling from Draco) it says that this so called Human Pensive has the ability to reveal the true nature of the person that they receive memories from."

"So I'm just some sappy Gryffin-dork?"

I couldn't help but giggle, even though I knew ! should be offended. "I guess so."

---

A/N: Okay, this was a really hard chapter to write and I was trying to make it 'deep' at the end there, but I'm not really satisfied with it. If you have any suggestions on how to improve it, that would be greatly appreciated!


	3. A Truce?

A/N: Thanks a bunch for the reviews as always. By now I should have reviewed everyone's story from chapter one (hopefully…). And let me just say that I know it's sort of confusing and I've left details out, but I realize that and everything's going to be revealed very soon. I promise.

And just pay attention to the way that they refer to each other changes. (Just as a little hint!)

Thanks to:

**amanda-panda161: **Thanks for the double review!**  
  
Pale-Spaz101: **I know you're impatient, but all will be revealed very soon! (Explanations _are_ great!)**  
  
Irishsodabread: **Wow, thank you so much! You gave me a total boost of confidence in your review! You're definitely the greatest!**  
  
Gryffxchick: **Thanks or the encouragement! **  
  
Lisi: **I totally understand where you're coming from. I wanted this chapter to move really fast and for them to fall madly in love but that would just be weird. In this chapter there'll be a quick fit of kindness but them they kind of revert back to silently hating each other.**  
  
Amour-Lily:** I'm hurrying as fast as I can! (And I think I might have read the second chapter of your story, but I can't remember yet.)   
  
---   
  
Chapter 3- A truce?  
  
The next few days passed rather uneventfully for us two, both of us unspeaking had calling a truce. We had actually managed to have a few civilized conversations, though they always seemed to be forced. We had talked a little bit about Hogwarts and what we were going to do when we graduated, but nothing past that and other necessary small talk.   
  
So of course I still had many questions flying around in my head that I desperately needed to ask. But I was afraid. Afraid that I would no longer see the genuine smile on his face or hear him say my name. I liked this side of him. It seemed that once you got him alone and away from his peers he would open up and not be such an insufferable prat. And I found that I suddenly craved him companionship. Why I needed this so much, I don't know. I guess I just needed the companionship I was so used to having all of the time. Which led me to one of my most pressing questions: _  
  
Where were Ron and Harry?_ I simply could not understand why they had not dashed to my rescue. They had always been my heroes and, even if slightly overbearing, they had been my knights in shining armor. Of course it had always irked me that I had been the damsel in distress, but at least I had known they were there for me.   
  
In our first year they had saved me from that troll (even though I could have saved myself, thank you very much). What had Draco done? Called me names. And as I looked back over every year, it had been the same. Harry and Ron were to ones to save and comfort me while Draco was the one that made me miserable.   
  
Since when had those roles reversed?   
  
Without them here or without even a letter of some sort I was feeling neglected and depressed. I guess Draco had finally realized it after a few days of slamming around the house moodily.   
  
"What's wrong?" He finally asked as he stood in the doorway to my bedroom, looking at me sprawled across my bed in amusement.   
  
I slowly turned my head around so I could focus on him clearly. "Where are Harry and Ron? Or any of my friends for that matter? I miss them and they suck for not writing to me. How could they just abandon me like that?"   
  
"I knew it," he sighed as he sat down on the edge of my bed, "I told Dumbledore that it wasn't right, but he insisted it was for the best."   
  
"What? What did Dumbledore do?" I had a feeling that whatever he was about to tell me would really piss me off.   
  
Draco seemed to realize that as well. "Now don't hurt the messenger for the message, okay?" He waited for my impatient nod before he continued, "Dumbledore thought that after the attack we would be targets for further Death Eater attacks. So he decided to send us into hiding."   
  
"So no one knows where we are?" I asked in disbelief.   
  
"No one except for Dumbledore. In fact, I'm not even exactly sure where we are."   
  
"So we can't get out of here on our own?"   
  
He shook his head. "No way in hell." When he saw the look on my face he smiled and continued, "Believe me, I wasn't happy about it either, but he thought that it would be for the best if we went into hiding without telling anyone. It would reduce the chances of us being revealed."   
  
"So basically he couldn't trust us with protecting ourselves?"   
  
"Shut up Hermione. You have no idea how strong the Death Eaters are at this point. There was just no way that they would leave us alone and no way that we would be able to fend them off when they came after us."   
  
"So we left everyone else behind to who knows what?" I felt like bursting into tears. I just couldn't imagine myself ever leaving my friends alone by my own free will. It hurt to know that I had deserted them.   
  
"You did not desert them," he said as if reading my mind.   
  
"But I did!" I was surprised to hear my voice crack and taste salt as my tears fell down my face.   
  
"You didn't. Really, it was all my fault. I took you here while you were unconscious, so you really had no say." He moved closer to me and to my surprise laid down next to me. I noted he was careful not to actually touch me. I knew he had been uncomfortable about sharing his memories with me, but as they got stronger he got more and more wary of me.   
  
I sighed and composed myself, forcing the tears to stop. "It wasn't your fault. It was for the best. It's just that I felt so hurt that they had never come to see me or sent anything. I thought that if I wasn't with them they didn't care. I was scared that they would forget me."   
  
"They wouldn't forget you," Draco said with his classic smirk. "Your hair is so big that they'd never get it out of their minds."   
  
I was hurt until I looked over at him and saw he was joking. "Shut up."  
  
We stared at each other for a moment, I with a look of deep thinking and he with a face of intense concentration. Finally his face cleared as if he had decided something and he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. _  
  
The kiss had quickly escalated into something far more, but he couldn't stop—he didn't want to stop. He roughly shoved his tongue into her mouth and ripped off the short skirt she was wearing. It barely even covered her anyway…  
  
__She struggled, but he was so much stronger. He smiled even as he trailed hard kisses down her neck. Luckily he had cast a silencing charm over her, she was screaming bloody murder, he was sure.__  
  
"What?" He sat straight up as he woke from his disturbing, yet pleasing, dream. He couldn't believe he had been snogging… the Mudblood. He was quite sure that he didn't like her, but her body was fantastic. He wouldn't mind getting in her pants.__  
  
He shivered with excitement at the idea. Getting Mudblood would be an exciting experience. He had another thrill shiver through his body as he thought of her screams when he took her unwillingly. The force and humiliation was possibly the best part of the whole thing._  
  
Malfoy quickly drew back, cursing himself for allowing that memory to be shared. He glanced over at me, and winced at seeing the mixture of horror and revulsion on my face. He quickly tried to make amends. "That was a long time ago." _  
  
Ha. Like that would work you dirty little bastard._   
  
"So? You wanted to rape me Malfoy," I managed to sputter out after recovering from the initial shock.   
  
"Well I've changed!" He looked scared, but more than that, utterly pissed off.   
  
"BUT YOU WANTED TO RAPE ME!" I knew I was way out of control, but I couldn't stop myself.   
  
I sat up and pulled away from him, wrapping my arms around my legs. I shivered even though the room was almost stifling.   
  
"Fine Mudblood. Believe what you want. I don't care what you think anyway."   
  
If I had been thinking rationally at the time I would have realized that I could have forgiven him and made up, but I was too far gone. "Don't call me that you stuck up pureblood prude! And get out of my room!"   
  
He stood up, menacing as he towered over me. I shuddered as I realized that he could easily do whatever he wanted to me. We were totally and utterly alone.   
  
"No. You are going to calm down and listen to me, Mudblood."   
  
"No I'm not. Get away from me."   
  
"I will not!" His normally pale face was growing redder by the minute.   
  
"I HATE YOU! I HOPE YOU DIE, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!" I collapsed back on the bed and stared at the ceiling not crying even when he slammed the door shut.   
  
I had never felt so betrayed in my life.   
  
Sure there had been the time in third year where Ron hated me because of something he thought my cat did, but this was somehow different. Malfoy and I were all alone here and… and I hate to say it and become clichéd, but we had connected. In sharing his memories I had somehow become closer to him without realizing it. I recognized that it would be harder now, without even a dubious friend to spend time with.   
  
---   
  
"Hey." He ignored me. Completely ignored me. Inside I was seething, but outwardly I merely shrugged. "Fine, be a little baby."   
  
That elicited a reaction. "Shut up Granger."   
  
I said nothing, not willing to start another screaming match. Well, an argument where I ended up screaming at him.   
  
Instead I grabbed some eggs from the pan and began to eat. Very quickly I found myself done and doing nothing but staring at the top of his head.   
  
"Will you stop staring at me?" He snapped angrily.   
  
"What date is it?" I asked suddenly.   
  
He looked surprised, but replied, "June the seventeenth."   
  
"What?" I could hear my voice go all high and squeaky. "Tomorrow's graduation!"   
  
He shrugged, obviously not caring. "Like we can do anything. There's no way we can go."   
  
I glared at him. Without anyone else to blame, he would have to be the butt of all my problems.  
  
"Will you stop glaring at me? I haven't done a thing except had the urge to rape you in my fifth year. I'm sure every other guy in the school has wanted to as well. Especially Blaise after you turned him down."   
  
I couldn't help it. I really tried, but it didn't work. I was furious at him, but I couldn't help it in the face of such absurdity.   
  
I burst into giggles.   
  
He looked up at me in surprise. "What the hell Granger? Have you gone nutty?"   
  
"I can't believe you, King of Slytherin and all-around Muggle Hater, would want to touch me in any way. Especially back then when you still believed all that bull."   
  
He smiled slowly as well, but it didn't reach his eyes. I knew he still didn't trust me to not freak out on him. "Yeah. I was horrified. I hated you so much."   
  
"Me too. Well," I said, finally realizing the true extent of our relationship, "I really hated you until the day of the attack. That was the first time I saw you as Draco instead of Malfoy."   
  
"Yeah, I guess that was the same for me too," he acknowledged. "Weird."   
  
"Can you imagine how horrible everyone must have thought we were this year? I mean, their Head Girl and Boy actually got into a fist fight."   
  
Malfoy cackled. It was an evil laugh, but at least it was real. "Yeah, that was awesome. You broke my nose."   
  
I smiled fondly at the memory as I picked up my plate and placed it into the sink. As I washed it off I commented, "It wasn't just you. I was pretty horrible too."   
  
"Granger?" I turned around to look at him and saw his face completely serious. "Can we be friends again?"   
  
I seriously considered it, but I just wasn't comfortable with him anymore. I shook my head with a no. "I- I just can't. It's too weird for me… at the moment. But that doesn't mean I want to hate you," I amended quickly. "But will you just promise me that you won't start calling me m-mudblood anymore?"   
  
"Yes. And promise you won't freak out at my impure thoughts?" The smirk on his face made me want to run and hide under my bed, but I repressed my shudder and nodded, a fake smile plastered on my face.   
  
I knew he saw through it, but he was smart enough not to comment on it.  
  
Suddenly I heard a tapping on the window.   
  
"What's that?" I looked around and quickly located the source. An owl.   
  
"I'll get it." He quickly stood and stalked by me. _  
  
"Will you get that damn owl boy?" As usual Draco's father would not use his real name. But he supposed it could be worse- he could be screaming at him.__  
  
"Yes father." He hurriedly walked over to the window and grabbed the small owl. "Hey Marvin." Untying the letter from the grey owl's leg he felt a surge of apprehension. Why, he could not say.__  
  
"Who is it from?" His father did not even bother looking up from his paper. Too bad. He would have laughed if he could have seen the look of terror on his son's face. Fear because of him.__  
  
"F-from Granger." He spat out the name as vehemently as possible, but his father still looked up with blazing eyes.__  
  
"Why," he asked slowly, enunciating every word with horrible precision, "are you receiving letters from that filthy excuse for a witch?"__  
  
"S-she just wanted to tell me that she made Head Girl and that I better not try anything or she'd hex me into the next millennium."__  
  
His father stood up so fast his chair fell over and skidded to a stop well out of range. He advanced slowly toward Draco. Even though he was dwarfed by a good much, he still made Draco feel like a little boy.   
  
Quickly and without warning he grabbed the boy's head and smashed it into the table.__  
  
Draco tasted blood immediately, but the pain took its time. But when it hit, it hit hard.__  
  
He heard the sound of screaming as he stumbled out of the dining room. Perhaps it was him. Or maybe it was his mother. Who knew? After what seemed like an eternity he made it to the nearest bathroom. __He could barely recognize himself.   
  
What had once been smooth, pure skin was now red with blood and split open nearly to the bone. He winced and struggled to remain upright as he gingerly touched the welt on his forehead. It was horrific.__  
  
"Like what you see boy?" He whirled around to face his father. He would have said something horribly cruel, but the movement was too much for his throbbing head and he collapsed onto the floor.__  
  
He was able to hear, "Never again," from his father before he completely blacked out.  
  
_"I did that to you?" I had never felt such guilt in my life.   
  
"Let's not talk about it." Later he had told me that had been the hardest memory to cope with. That had been his last interaction with his father before the fatal attack.   
  
I nodded. "What does the owl say?" I asked, eager to change the subject. "Read for yourself."   
  
_Dear Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy,__  
  
I know you must be upset (and I sincerely regret) that you will miss your graduation from Hogwarts tomorrow. I do wish you to know that you will receive your diplomas tomorrow. You have been exempted from all of your N.E.W.T.s this year-"_   
  
"Oh no! All of that studying down the drain!"   
  
"Shut up Granger." _  
  
"and must not worry about that. Your actions in the recent past have more than shown that you are fully capable. I also regret to tell you that you will be sorely missed as the valedictorians of the class.__  
  
"I wish you two the best of luck as you remain away from prying eyes. I hope that you two may settle your differences and come out of this experience unscathed. I thank you for seven wonderful years of service and devotion to your school. May the force be with you.__  
  
Albus Dumbledore"_  
  
Somehow Malfoy's arm had snaked around my waist without my knowledge as I had read the letter. I also realized that I was silently crying. But I was too happy to care.   
  
Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt him tense under my touch, but I dismissed it. "Let's get over the last seven years and just celebrate right now. We've come to the end of that road. We can put this all behind us."   
  
He grinned and quickly hugged me back before nearly dancing over to the Muggle fridge. "We're out of Hogwarts! We're out of Hogwarts," he chanted as he reached into the fridge and pulled something out.   
  
Before I could see what it was he hid it behind his back.   
  
"What do you have there?"   
  
"Champagne!" He cried excitedly, too happy to be stupid old Malfoy anymore.   
  
"Oh Gods, please don't let this be a repeat of our Yule Ball in sixth year," I cried dramatically.   
  
"Hey! I'd have to drink a lot more than this to get me to do _that_ again."   
  
I grinned. "Pour me some and let's celebrate!"   
  
He conjured two (thankfully small) champagne glasses on the table and poured the drink into them.   
  
Still standing I grabbed the closest glass and held it aloft. "To Hogwarts and seven years well spent," I proclaimed grandly.   
  
Draco picked up his glass as well. "To Hogwarts," he echoed.   
  
We drained our glasses and they were quickly refilled.  
  
---   
  
A/N: See, absolutely no love here! Though I am sad about that… But hopefully a night of drinking will bring them closer together. I mean, if that can't, what will? I would appreciate suggestions on how long I should wait for the to start falling for each other. I'm just so nervous about doing it because it's just so out of charactre for both of them. Any support/ideas would be greatly appreciated!   
  
Cheers! 


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